Thursday, 19 May 2016

10 Struggles with BPD



Any mental health issue really is hard but when it it your own struggle, sometimes it seems there is no way out. Here I will share with you just some of the struggles I have to face.
  1. Lack of concentration
    I set myself up to do something, but within minutes I just end up with no interest and my thoughts have wondered so far away then I find it so hard to get back to what I was doing in the first place.
  2. Nightmares
    These are terrible for any human, but mine stick with me. Dwelling in this horrid thing that never even happened. Makes my feelings towards people change, and leaves me feeling so confused and scared.
  3. Impulses
    This is a really common symptom of BPD and it really is annoying. I will be fine one minute and the next I am planning a really adventurous day that is impossible to achieve. Or I will come up with a plan to see people without even asking them first, whilst I am waiting for their answer I get myself so excited and expect it to just happen. When my plan doesn't go like I expected I go into a depression. This also means I buy/want things I don't need or really want.
  4. Negative thoughts
    The best way to describe this one is like having an angel and a devil on your shoulders like you see in a cartoon. Except the devil wants to be noticed way more! My thoughts can range from putting myself down about the way I look or to the whole world is against my. Along with the obvious negative thoughts..
  5. Feeling numb
    When feeling numb, it does not mean I no longer have any feelings. It just simple means I am so lost that I just don't know how to feel. I just end with with no enjoyment from anything and again left feeling confused and alone.
  6. No motivation
    Now this is another obvious one but it really is all too common. In my head I want to do so many things, check things off of my lists and just sort it all out. However I just can't, no matter how much I tell myself. It is like something just stops me, it is so frustrating and makes me really sad.
  7. Feeling alone
    Loneliness is is horrid emotion, especially when you do have people around you. I find it extremely hard to explain the way I am feeling and you end up feeling you are alone in all of this because it is so hard for people to understand. I also spend most of my days alone at home which doesn't help.
  8. Intense emotions
    My emotions go from one extreme to another in just seconds. I can be so happy and content then something will trigger me and I end up angry and depressed. Triggers can vary from day to day so nobody have really predict them.

  9. Taking medication
    I have lost count of the number of medications I have tried over the years. Now I take Trazadone at night time to help me sleep and the calm me down basically. However I am so dependent on these now that if Ii don't get enough sleep I am sometimes left with a migraine but mostly feeling lethargic.
  10. Maintain relationships
    For years I found this one hard. I had friends and they would just leave me when things got deep or they simply just didn't understand why I was acting the way I was. Some people never took the time to help me and realise that I do have an illness. I even struggled with the relationships of family members. As for boyfriends they never really lasted longer than a few months, but now I have an extremely understanding and supportive boyfriend. We are both trying to learn about this illness together and get through it.

I hope that writing about my BPD will help others understand and maybe try and support me or others you know.
Click here for more information about BPD.

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6 comments

  1. Honestly I think it's really brave of you to do a blog post on this. I feel like there are loads of bloggers/people in the public eye suffering from anxiety at the moment, which is good in a way, but BPD isn't a subject that's covered in the same way. It's a really interesting insight into how someone with BPD actually feels and I reckon it could be helpful to other people that are suffering or someone that knows a sufferer.

    Well done lovely :)

    Izzy | ADoseOfChatter.com

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    1. Aww thank you so much Izzy, it means alot to me. You have given me more confidence to actually share this about now <3 thank you sweet heart xx

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  2. Well done for being so open and honest about this! It's definitely an illness that needs more awareness and understanding, so thank you for being brave and sharing your struggles ♥

    Jess xo | The Indigo Hours

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    1. Thank you for your supportive comment and positivity <3 xx

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  3. I think that there are so many people struggling with this even they seem to have the perfect life. Remember that everyone has their things to deal with, I have been struggling with depression and negative thoughts for years and I changed my life after I read this book called The Secret. It is about creating your life and you create with your own thoughts. You attract what you think and focus on, I wish you the best of luck in whatever you want to do xx

    www.brandobeauty.uk

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  4. Well done Hollie, it's so brave of you to write about this. I really hope it helped YOU also to get this down in words. Remember if you ever fancy a chat, you know where I am xx

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